ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
