Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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