Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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