you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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