A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
