I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Randomize
