I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
