so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
