Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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