We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
