When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
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