Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize