My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
