U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
