Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
