Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
