Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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