This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
