you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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