You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
