So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
