I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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