I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
