Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
