She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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