Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
