Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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