You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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