My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
