I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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