yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
