did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
