Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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