I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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