i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
