I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
