Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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