He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
