She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
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