You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
