Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize