im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
