You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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