Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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