what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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