Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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