he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
