she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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