I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
