oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
