Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
how drunk are you?
Several
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
