I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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