am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
MIDGETS
????
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
