you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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