I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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