Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
