Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize