I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
