Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
