Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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