you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
