he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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