Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
