its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
