Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
