I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
