she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
