I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
