doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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