I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
