i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
so let's talk penis.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
