I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
jump out the window naked night went bad
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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