Yo dont text me then not text me
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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