Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
