I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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