Me. At least after what I've been through.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
