I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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