Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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