cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
