The police scanner is talking about you again....
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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