New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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