p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
