The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
