you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
